Besides that.
And besides that, too.
What's missing is anything resembling a cool, catchy, well crafted campaign slogan.
A catch phrase that looks equally at home stickered on a rich kid's school locker, a designer gym bag or the ass end of a Lexus SUV.
Toyota Camry?
Seriously, we're talking about Republicans right now.
And Republicans, right now, seem to be not only in search of a certified superstar but a slogan we can savor.
Check out this year's nominal nominees.
Mitt Romney - Believe In America
Ron Paul - Restore America Now
Rick Santorum - The Courage To Fight For America
Rick Perry - Get America Working Again
Sensing a theme here?
Don't know which agency, etc, is working for who, but it's pretty clear that whoever has the copyright on the word "America" is raking in some serious simoleans this election cycle.
Meanwhile, the just departed Michele Bachmann offered up this bromide during her season on the stump.
"Restoring Constitutional Conservative Values".
Erudite and sincere, to be sure.
But, just as sure, over the heads of the millions of members of the Republican base who think that NASCAR should be an Olympic event and "Pawn Stars" got robbed at the Emmys.
And last, but certainly not least, there's Mr. Gingrich Who Wants To Go To Washington.
"Newt 2012".
This implies either a genius of brevity.
Or a attitude of "whatever".
This year's scarcity of sharp and snappy slogan seems not only regrettable but, frankly, a little ironic given the five second sound byte attention span culture in which we live. Not to mention the tradition of fun/fanciful phraseology throughout political history.
Here's a gaggle of greatest hits from our respective partisan pasts.
1840- William Henry Harrison - "Tippecanoe and Tyler, Too"
Good alliteration, always a plus. The actual reference is, of course, dated but a little Google will enlighten you as to how clever this was in its time.
1884- Grover Cleveland - "Blaine, Blaine, James G. Blaine, The Continental Liar From The Gate Of Maine"
Obviously, Blaine was Cleveland's opponent. And, just as obviously, Cleveland's media folks had no problem with the concept of "going negative".
1884- James G. Blaine - "Ma, Ma, Where's My Pa? Gone to The White House, Ha, Ha, Ha"
Grover Cleveland as much as admitted that he had fathered an illegitimate child years before the presidential campaign. And Blaine's media folks as much as admitted that they had no problem with the concept of "going negative" either.
1924- Calvin Coolidge - "Keep Cool With Coolidge".
Calvin Coolidge, in his day, had a personality that would have made Al Gore seem like a fire and brimstone preacher. That said, you gotta hand it to his sloganeers for recognizing the obvious opportunity here and carpally diem-ing it.
1952- Dwight Eisenhower - "I Like Ike".
Like basic black, classically simple and understated, while being neighborly as all giddyup at the same time.
1964- Barry Goldwater - "In Your Heart, You Know He's Right".
Poignant, outreaching, right up to, but not past, the line of being preachy and even a little condescending while appealing to the common sense in all mankind. And a value added comedy touch when one bunch of Democratic wags got a hold of it and adjusted it slightly, answering back "Yeah....extreme right..."
1968- Richard Nixon - "Nixon's The One".
Once again, simple, catchy and memorable. Also, as it turned out unfortunately, sadly true.
Somewhere around this time, subsequent slogans began to lack snap, the phrases began to fade.
Every now and then, a little glimmer of past glory. But, for the most part, it seemed as if the wheels had come off the witty wagon.
And, in some cases, the slogans were just plain sloppy.
1984- Ronald Reagan - "It's Morning Again In America"
Well, okay. But what about the millions of voters around the country who would honestly fess up that they simply don't consider themselves morning people?
1984- Walter Mondale - "America Needs A Change"
There's certainly a strong case to be made about how shitty some things are in this country, but I'm not sure the image of America with a full diaper is what you want to use to convince people you're the guy to fix those things.
1992- Ross Perot - "Ross for Boss"
When you've got lots of money / you can afford to be funny.
2000- George W. Bush - "Real Plans For Real People"
I think we can all appreciate the intended sentiment here. But I think we can all also see where this could easily be construed as some kind of devious plot to create a race of artificial, but amazingly lifelike, loyalist cyborgs.
Admittedly, there are far more important things to consider when choosing a presidential candidate than the quality, or lack, of their respective campaign slogan.
But I think the ability to sum up, in a few, sharp, succinct words what one is all about is an ability that can't be too overrated in someone we are hoping will lead and inspire us.
Because if they can't come up with a simple catchphrase to excite us about their product and/or service , how are we to be expected to buy what they're selling?
In your heart, you know I'm right.
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