"...You Don't Have To Be A Humorist To See This Is One Opportunist Who's Never Heard The Word Ricidivist..."

Full disclosure.

I am not racist.

Nor sexist.

Nor misogynist.

Nor, particularly, activist, adventurist, ultra rightist, ultra leftist or hedonist.

Although, truth be told, I am a sentimentalist.

Or so I've shared with my therapist.

I do freely confess, though, to being a stupidist.

And that's a stupidist, not the stupidest.

For the latter, you have to go south, young man.

(By Patrik Jonsson | Christian Science Monitor )

Declaring Joseph Ozment “rehabilitated,” Gov. Haley Barbour included the convicted killer among over 200 pardons he issued in his last days as governor of Mississippi.

Mr. Ozment was last seen leaving the Governor's Mansion, where he was a convict “trusty,” on Jan. 8 when he got into a car driven by his grandmother.

Ozment, whom Barbour described Friday as a “free man,” is now being sought by Mississippi authorities investigating the constitutionality of Barbour's mass pardons, which shocked many Mississippians, including victims and law enforcement. The list included over 40 murderers, rapists and others convicted of violent crimes.

The unusual manhunt is the latest twist in a peculiar tale of Southern patriarchy and redemption that has dogged Mr. Barbour since he left office earlier this month. The governor has defended his actions, saying the state pardon board had already freed most of the people, and that the clemency was mainly designed to give worthy ex-convicts the right to vote and hunt.

This particular piece goes on for a few paragraphs but I ended my reading here.

Hard to continue when dealing with the coffee coming through my nose from the laughter.

Said snort/spit take occurring, of course, as I read the last sentence.

The governor has defended his actions, saying the state pardon board had already freed most of the people, and that the clemency was mainly designed to give worthy ex-convicts the right to vote and hunt.

The temptation here is to castigate the entire sovereign state of Mississippi as the last remaining bastion of inbreeding in modern times.

That would be unfair and incorrect.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians has disproven the theory that inbreeding is confined to the Confederacy.

Here's the thing, though...ya'll...

You've got to laugh, or weep, at the luscious lunacy of a freely elected governor of a state in the United States of America who sees his role in the protection of human rights as seeing to it that those who have been convicted of felonies have returned to them their constitutional right to vote...

...and hunt.

Because, way down South in the land of cotton, there are no two more precious possessions than a ballot box and a gun rack.

It's that kind of mindset that turned me into a stupidist.

Again, a stupidist.

Not the stupidest.

For that, you have to be Haley Barbour.

Or anybody who ever flipped a lever next to his name.

"...Put Them All On A Desert Island and Cue The Tribal Council...Even Better..."

Some years ago, Paul McCartney was asked some inane question, or another, about the state of world affairs.

Because, even then, media somehow operated under the still held belief that when it comes to cogent political perspective, the first, best place to get it is from movie and/or TV and/or music stars.

McCartney, full of the youthful exuberance that, well, youth doles out but, at the same time, showing an already mature, impishly veiled contempt for media who were operating under the still held belief that that when it comes to cogent political perspective, the first, best place to get it is from movie and/or TV and/or music stars, replied, give or take a paraphrase, thus:

"Personally, I think they should put all the world leaders in a stadium and let them duke it out. Whoever walks out, wins."

Given the pasty look resulting from the pampered lifestyle of your garden variety despicable despots, that was arguably both an impudent, and insightful, reply.

And, if you think about it for a second, not a half bad idea.

Fast forward forty years and it occurs to me that we might be wise to reconsider Sir Paul's simple, silly/savvy solution as the already mundane march to Washington has already reached new levels of mundane.

But, perhaps, with just a little timely tweak.

As demonstrated by the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania.




Couple of instant impressions here.

First, say what you will about his performance as the keeper of the castle.

But even the most righteous right winger would come off petty and petulant by denying that, when it comes to vocal versatility, the guy's got game.

And if you think it takes stones to cha-cha like Chaz in front of millions of people each week, imagine what it takes to be re-running for the highest elected office in the land and risk ragging, rebuffing, and Republican ridicule, by imitating the iconic voice of Al Green.

With Al Green in the audience.

All of which, of course, for the benefit of my friends and family on the other side of the aisle, has absolutely nothing to do with the man's qualifications, or lack, to be given another four years in the Oval.

As if the current criteria does anything to guarantee us a quality choice.

But, I digress.

Since the process, as is, is, at best, arguably nothing more than a talent and/or personality contest, why not concede it as such and make the most out of it?

Why put ourselves through ten months of lame lies and rhetorical ramblings when we can choose our next President and actually look forward to tuning in to the latest attempt to curry our favor at the same time?

Yes, kids, I'm talking...

"The Voice- D.C. Edition".

"The D.C. Factor".

"American Hail to the Idol".

Call it what you will, the opportunity is obvious and the potential is powerful.

Each week, they sing, they are judged and we vote.

Until, come summer time, the field is narrowed to two.

Then, each week they sing.

Until the final week when they sing and we vote.

And the winner is awarded a major label recording contract...and the title of Commander In Chief.

Simon and Paula and, uh, what's his/her name?

Yawn.

Randy and Steven and JLo?

Snooze.

Let's talk Blitzer and Coulter and O'Reilly.

Yeah.

And if turns out that Obama is a one trick pony (think Katherine McPhee singing Over The Rainbow), if Romney can't carry a tune even if it was subsidized by state mandated health care dollars, if Newt has to deal with the dilemma of which of the wives get the song dedication, so be it.

It's a small price to pay to be sincerely entertained, as opposed to anesthetized, by the year long yammering.

And, for the every now and then comic relief, we could throw in "cameos" by once and no longer viable candidates.

Tonight....

Rick Perry sings "Oops, I Did It Again"....

Michele Bachmann sings "Bette Davis Eyes"...

Herman Cain sings "(I'm A) Love Man"...

Sarah Palin sings " I Can See Russia From The House of The Rising Sun"...

Man, I think we're onto something here.

And for those pooh-poohing naysayers who might naysayingly pooh poo the idea as making a mockery of the majestic process of picking a President, I would, all due respect, rebuttingly reply...

Your majestic process is pretty much already little more than a song and dance show.

So, lighten up.

And stay tuned.

"...Resignation As Inspriation..."

Today's poignant presentation from the "keeping things in perspective" folder.

It speaks volumes that, if asked, a great many people would prefer to keep this lady employed as opposed to keeping a great many of the fully "functional" people who have the same job.

There is a palpable sadness on display here.

And it has nothing to do with her physical condition.

It has totally to do with the fact that Gabrielle Giffords has to work extra hard to simply walk forward....

...while managing to take the high road that so few others even manage to find.

"...If You Don't Like The Weather...Or The Current Front Runner....Just Wait Ten Minutes..."

First, the center line disclaimer.

The Democrats haven't exactly been a font of inspiration lately, either.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch's right wing...

The Republicans, regardless of their "F Troop meets Benny Hill" adventures this primary season, have managed to make history.

For the first time ever, the first three presidential primaries have been won by three different candidates.

Channel surfing around last night just past South Carolina poll closing time, I witnessed the following quick spins, give or take, paraphrase here or there, on that accomplishment from the usual gang of suspects.

Fox News- "....clearly the Republican party is still fine tuning their message and determining which of the fine candidates will best take that message to the American people to insure victory in November..."

MSNBC- "...clearly the Republican party is in total disarray with no clear vision, no clear message and no clear road to victory in November..."

CNN- "...tune in tonight as Piers Morgan conducts a no holds barred interview with the reunited cast of "Growing Pains"...."

No matter what spin you subscribe to, there is a pretty non-partisan, no brainer conclusion to be drawn from the primary results to date.

There is no clear front runner for the 2012 Republican nomination for President Of The United States.

And, believe it or not, at this point some of the pundits and pontificators are even offering up cautious conjecture that the condition of the G.O.P. candidate collection might actually be ripe for the arrival/entry of yet another, as yet unannounced, as yet undetermined pair of eyes on the prize.

I'm reminded of two things at this juncture.

That garden variety scene in most buddy movies where chaos, disaster and/or danger are imminent and unavoidable and the buddies look at each other, each with an expression on their face that clearly reads "you first".

And Ray Bolger.

Admittedly, Mr. Jumbo, Dumbo, et al, ever the imposing pachyderm remains, for the moment, the iconic symbol of the Grand Old Party.

At the rate they're going, though, I'm thinking they might want to consider a hip/retro update of the whole image.

And maybe go with the whole Scarecrow thing.

http://youtu.be/yejtZgzB5Ik

Cause, the thing is ,that whole "of course, people do go both ways" business seems to have this year's Republican philosophy down pat.

Although, from all appearances at this point, their campaign trail ain't no yellow brick road.

"...Red States, Blue States...and The Pot And The Kettle..."

First, today's Scriptural perspective on the process politic.

Ecclesiastes 1:9.

What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

Charleston, South Carolina (CNN) -- The four remaining GOP candidates played to their individual strengths on Thursday and tried to leave a lasting impression in a final, boisterous debate two days before South Carolina's pivotal primary.

In a campaign cycle where debates have had direct consequences on the ebb and flow of the race, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich turned his contempt for the media into one of his strongest performances yet. When CNN Chief National Correspondent John King opened the debate with a question about open marriage, following an interview by Gingrich's ex-wife that he had sought one, the Republican chastised him.

"To take an ex-wife and make it two days before the primary a significant question in a presidential campaign is as close to despicable as anything I can imagine," Gingrich told King, the moderator of the debate.

Gingrich's response elicited loud applause from the audience.

A common lament, in this day and time, is that the political process in America has deteriorated into a morass of malicious, malevolent mudslinging, long on low blow and short on substantive spark, said lament usually accompanied with a wistful wish for a a return to what we inevitably refer to as "the good old days".

Fact is, when it comes to the hallowed days of good old past, much like any supposed claim of legitimate talent in anyone named Kardashian, there simply ain't no such thing.

The process of politics has been malicious and malevolent since inception.

And while it's certainly Newt's prerogative to get his panties in a twist about this slap or that slander, implying that some new level of "despicable" has been achieved in the age old process is like suggesting that there is something dirtier than dirt.

Not to mention the aforementioned Ecclesiastes editorial.

As illustrated by a few "oldies but goodies" from campaigns past.

Obviously, the terms "campaign trail" and "high road" are not synonymous.

And, as another adventure in the four year cycle gets under way, there is, among the myriad questions to be asked and answered along the way, really only one question that we are able to answer with certainty from the outset.

So, what's new?

Not much.

"...The Motto The Merrier..."

There's something missing from this year's Republican presidential aspirant assemblage.

Besides that.

And besides that, too.

What's missing is anything resembling a cool, catchy, well crafted campaign slogan.

A catch phrase that looks equally at home stickered on a rich kid's school locker, a designer gym bag or the ass end of a Lexus SUV.

Toyota Camry?

Seriously, we're talking about Republicans right now.

And Republicans, right now, seem to be not only in search of a certified superstar but a slogan we can savor.

Check out this year's nominal nominees.

Mitt Romney - Believe In America

Ron Paul - Restore America Now

Rick Santorum - The Courage To Fight For America

Rick Perry - Get America Working Again

Sensing a theme here?

Don't know which agency, etc, is working for who, but it's pretty clear that whoever has the copyright on the word "America" is raking in some serious simoleans this election cycle.

Meanwhile, the just departed Michele Bachmann offered up this bromide during her season on the stump.

"Restoring Constitutional Conservative Values".

Erudite and sincere, to be sure.

But, just as sure, over the heads of the millions of members of the Republican base who think that NASCAR should be an Olympic event and "Pawn Stars" got robbed at the Emmys.

And last, but certainly not least, there's Mr. Gingrich Who Wants To Go To Washington.

"Newt 2012".

This implies either a genius of brevity.

Or a attitude of "whatever".

This year's scarcity of sharp and snappy slogan seems not only regrettable but, frankly, a little ironic given the five second sound byte attention span culture in which we live. Not to mention the tradition of fun/fanciful phraseology throughout political history.

Here's a gaggle of greatest hits from our respective partisan pasts.

1840- William Henry Harrison - "Tippecanoe and Tyler, Too"
Good alliteration, always a plus. The actual reference is, of course, dated but a little Google will enlighten you as to how clever this was in its time.

1884- Grover Cleveland - "Blaine, Blaine, James G. Blaine, The Continental Liar From The Gate Of Maine"
Obviously, Blaine was Cleveland's opponent. And, just as obviously, Cleveland's media folks had no problem with the concept of "going negative".

1884- James G. Blaine - "Ma, Ma, Where's My Pa? Gone to The White House, Ha, Ha, Ha"
Grover Cleveland as much as admitted that he had fathered an illegitimate child years before the presidential campaign. And Blaine's media folks as much as admitted that they had no problem with the concept of "going negative" either.

1924- Calvin Coolidge - "Keep Cool With Coolidge".
Calvin Coolidge, in his day, had a personality that would have made Al Gore seem like a fire and brimstone preacher. That said, you gotta hand it to his sloganeers for recognizing the obvious opportunity here and carpally diem-ing it.

1952- Dwight Eisenhower - "I Like Ike".
Like basic black, classically simple and understated, while being neighborly as all giddyup at the same time.

1964- Barry Goldwater - "In Your Heart, You Know He's Right".
Poignant, outreaching, right up to, but not past, the line of being preachy and even a little condescending while appealing to the common sense in all mankind. And a value added comedy touch when one bunch of Democratic wags got a hold of it and adjusted it slightly, answering back "Yeah....extreme right..."

1968- Richard Nixon - "Nixon's The One".
Once again, simple, catchy and memorable. Also, as it turned out unfortunately, sadly true.

Somewhere around this time, subsequent slogans began to lack snap, the phrases began to fade.

Every now and then, a little glimmer of past glory. But, for the most part, it seemed as if the wheels had come off the witty wagon.

And, in some cases, the slogans were just plain sloppy.

1984- Ronald Reagan - "It's Morning Again In America"
Well, okay. But what about the millions of voters around the country who would honestly fess up that they simply don't consider themselves morning people?

1984- Walter Mondale - "America Needs A Change"
There's certainly a strong case to be made about how shitty some things are in this country, but I'm not sure the image of America with a full diaper is what you want to use to convince people you're the guy to fix those things.

1992- Ross Perot - "Ross for Boss"
When you've got lots of money / you can afford to be funny.

2000- George W. Bush - "Real Plans For Real People"
I think we can all appreciate the intended sentiment here. But I think we can all also see where this could easily be construed as some kind of devious plot to create a race of artificial, but amazingly lifelike, loyalist cyborgs.

Admittedly, there are far more important things to consider when choosing a presidential candidate than the quality, or lack, of their respective campaign slogan.

But I think the ability to sum up, in a few, sharp, succinct words what one is all about is an ability that can't be too overrated in someone we are hoping will lead and inspire us.

Because if they can't come up with a simple catchphrase to excite us about their product and/or service , how are we to be expected to buy what they're selling?

In your heart, you know I'm right.

"...Ironic, Isn't It, That You Can't Keep A Good Man Down, Either..."

Civility.

It's a physics thing.

When a gunman opened fire on Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, D-Ariz., and others at a shopping center near Tucson a year ago today — killing six people and injuring Giffords and many others — some people were quick to blame the episode on the overheated political climate.

At the time of the attack, there was a high tide of political rhetoric across America and a low ebb of social civility. The New York Times reported that the shootings "raised questions about potential political motives" and that the Pima County sheriff was blaming the tragedies on "the toxic political environment."

According to the Times, national reaction was immediate. "Democrats denounced the fierce partisan atmosphere in Gifford's district and top Republicans quickly condemned the violence."

President Obama made a fervent appeal for "more civil and honest public discourse."

As the nation has watched Giffords' heroic struggle to recover, it has also continued to publicly debate the importance of manners in public debate. Now the country is in the middle of a high-intensity presidential election. Politicians are slinging sludge and slamming their opponents — even within their own party. The moratorium on verbal mayhem is a distant mist and campaigning has again become a running series of $#*! Candidates Say About Each Other.

So on the first anniversary of the Tucson massacre, it's only natural to ask the obvious question: Whatever happened to political civility?

Grappling With Civility

Revved-up political rhetoric is always with us, says Cassandra Dahnke, co-founder of the Institute for Civility in Government, a nonpartisan Houston-based group that stages civility workshops and leads student field trips to Washington. "I don't think it becomes any worse during an election year. There is simply more of it. It becomes more difficult to avoid. But the nature of heated rhetoric otherwise remains, I believe, much the same."

Dahnke says she is "grateful that the country continues to grapple with civility and its relative importance to life in the public square."

But spoor of incivility is easy to find on the campaign trail. The stampeding candidates often poke and gore one another with sharp-horned barbs. For example, Jon Huntsman has told voters that Ron Paul is "not electable." Ron Paul has called Newt Gingrich a "chicken hawk" — in last night's New Hampshire debate and before — who avoided military service but sends others to fight wars. Gingrich has said that all Mitt Romney wants to do is "hide over here and pretend it's not his fault that he is flooding the people of Iowa with falsehoods." Romney has quipped that Rick Perry's approach to Social Security is not a "Ponzi scheme," it's a "Perry scheme." Attacks by Democrats can be just as crass.

Rudeness often dominates Internet comment sections and radio talk shows and TV town halls, leading to uncivil wars of words.

In Dahnke's opinion, "a lack of civility drives people from the conversation, and cripples the collaborative processes needed for a healthy democracy to endure. Without civility, we may be speaking at one another, but we are not necessarily speaking with one another, and if we cannot speak with one another, we can scarcely accomplish much else."

A Brittle Citizenry?

Over the years, everyone from Karl Rove on the right to Norman Lear on the left has called for a more mannerly body politic.

"American political discourse seems to be on a path to paralysis," Steve Crosby, dean of the McCormack Graduate School at the University of Massachusetts-Boston said in a statement recently. He was speaking about his school's newly created Center for Civil Discourse. "Extremist rhetoric permeates every level of political debate — from Congress to traditional media to the Internet.

Crosby said his center's goal "is to explore the meaning of civility and its role in American democracy and to encourage its practice."

This being America, however, not everyone shares that sentiment.

Writing in the Libertarian magazine Reason, David Harsanyi once asked, "Have we transformed into so brittle a citizenry that we are unable to handle a raucous debate over the future of the country? If things were quiet, subdued and 'civil' in America today ... it only would be proof that democracy isn't working."

And the late Christopher Hitchens reportedly said that civility is overrated.

"Some find in civility merit," Dahnke says, "others find weakness and/or political correctness."

Being civil, she says, "does not preclude one from being passionate, forceful or tough. It does preclude one from being rude, callous or mean."

Her institute defines civility as "claiming and caring for one's identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else's in the process." Dahnke says, "We aren't expecting people to always agree, nor would we want them to be anything less than passionate about their positions. But a person should not have to resort to rudeness, hostility and/or falsehood to make a reasoned point."

But isn't rough-and tumble language the price we pay for free speech? "Yes," Dahnke says. "But as Justice Potter Stewart of the U.S. Supreme Court is credited with saying, 'There is a big difference between what you have the right to do and what is right to do.' "

Picture the process politic as a large swimming pool.

Picture civility as a bright, colorful beach ball.

Picture the American electorate as you or me playing that fun game we inevitably try once or twice every summer, pushing the beach ball down with one or both hands believing we have the ability to hold the ball down beneath the surface of the water indefinitely.

Picture greed, corporate and/or lobbyist influence, selfishness, self interest and avarice as dynamic forces directly countering the beach ball as it attempts to displace the water.

No matter our effort, intent, desire or belief, the ball, inevitably, pops back to the surface.

It's a physics thing.

"...Third and Goal, My A**..."

Genius is something, I think, anyone can admire.

Regardless of its origin, purpose or outcome.

Put another way, it's reasonable to admire, for example, a criminal's style while condoning the crime.

This particular genius occurs all over this great land of the free but it has a little personal significance for me as I lived in the area for a while.

(hometownannapolis.com) The state redistricting plan proposed by Gov. Martin O'Malley is getting mixed reviews around the state and parts of Anne Arundel County.

Some feel it could give north county residents better representation at the state level, and increase the chances for minority candidates. Others think it is unnecessary political maneuvering.

What's clear is that Del. Don Dwyer, a conservative Republican, won't run in a new, more racially diverse district centered in Glen Burnie.

The three-term delegate confirmed this week that he has moved out of his longtime home in Harundale and now lives in Pasadena.

Dwyer said he moved for "personal reasons" and declined to elaborate.

The Republican delegate also restated his intention to run for the District 31 senate seat in 2014, creating an open seat in the new subdistrict.

Dwyer, however, said in a guest column running today in the Maryland Gazette, sister paper of The Capital, that he has little doubt about the motives for the new district.

"After reviewing the new district map, it is clear that I was targeted by the Democrats to be eliminated from the State House," he wrote.

"Some might ask why was I targeted - the truth is that I have been a thorn in the side of the Democrats in Annapolis since first arriving there in 2003.

House Speaker Mike Busch, D-Annapolis, said the new districts are designed to group similar communities together. Under the proposal, the state would carve up subdistricts to ensure that more groups get a say in choosing their lawmakers, he said.

One of the more prominent changes would occur in District 31, which is comprised of Brooklyn Park, Glen Burnie and Pasadena. The district would be split in two, with northern portions making up a newly created District 31A and southern portions making up a newly created District 31B.

As of the 2010 Census, the population of the area designated as District 31A was 66.4 percent white, 22.2 percent black, 3.5 percent Asian and roughly 8 percent other races. In what would be District 31B, the population was 88.4 percent white, 5.8 percent black, 2.1 percent Asian and nearly 4 percent other races.

Dwyer's family home is in what is likely to become District 31A, where the percentage of black residents would double the 11 percent of black residents found in what is now District 31. Black residents tend to vote for Democrats.

Residents of District 31A would be guaranteed one delegate under O'Malley's proposal.

Anne Arundel County NAACP Chapter President Jacqueline Boone-Allsup, who would reside in District 31A, said she supports the plan.

"I think it's a good plan that they are putting forth," she said. "One of the things it does do is increase the (percentage) of African Americans in my district. The African-American population has increased to almost 25 percent, where it was much lower in the past. I think overall this is a really good plan. It strengthens the African-American population in my part of the county."

The Rev. Larry Lee Thomas, of Empowering Believers Church of the Apostolic Faith in Glen Burnie, said he also supports the proposal. His church and many of his congregation members are located in what would be District 31A.

Thomas hopes the redistricting, if passed, leads voters to elect a minority to the House of Delegates.

"Either way, we are encouraging minorities to continue to look for viable candidates to run that would represent our community," he said.
Opposes plan

Alan Rzepkowski, chairman of the Anne Arundel County Republican State Central Committee, opposes O'Malley's plan.

"There doesn't seem to be a reason for it, other than for political purposes," he said.

Rzepkowski said redistricting would make it more difficult for a Republican to win in District 31A, but not impossible.

"I think it's going to make it tougher, but good Republican candidates will win in Anne Arundel County," he said. "They can try to change the map as much as they want, but we will continue to put up good candidates and we'll continue to be successful."

Along with the changes planned in District 31, the proposal would include the Maryland City area in District 32, significantly enhancing the minority vote in that area. The district, the last solid Democratic district in the county, already includes Severn, Hanover, Linthicum, parts of Glen Burnie and Fort George G. Meade.

The population of District 32 would be 57.1 percent white, 29.2 percent black, 5.8 percent Asian and nearly 8 percent other races.

"District 32 is a tough district for Republicans and always has been," Rzepkowski said. "We've had some success, but they continue to make it more difficult for us."
Strong criticism

Redistricting proposals elsewhere in the state, specifically proposals to increase the number of minority-majority districts from 10 to 12, have received extensive criticism from Republicans who claim the districts were drawn to increase a Democratic stronghold on state politics.

O'Malley plans to submit his final plan to the General Assembly on Wednesday, the first day of the 90-day session in Annapolis.

Any conjecture as to what "personal reasons" Dwyer had for moving are nothing more than conjecture.

And whether or not Dwyer deserves to be brush slapped with the inevitable "all politicians are crooks, et al" tar is a matter for personal opinion and/or the voting booth and/or a court of law.

But even if he is a criminal, he is, in my humble o, deserving of props for playing the game as well and ably as those who would steal his gig out from under him by simply, and brilliantly, eliminating the gig by simply, and brilliantly, redefining the gig.

When it comes to pristine, exquisite uncomplicated genius of the evil variety, the mischievous little scamp behind these baby greens believes you can't do much better than the evil genius of this "re-districting" thing.

If the outcome of the game looks to be not exactly what you had in mind, just redraw the lines on the playing field.

Brilliant.

Genius.

And if Indianapolis had been able to figure out a way to redraw the lines, they'd be going to the Super Bowl this year.

"...Try This On, Taste This, Six Of One..."

As a man, I'm more inclined to think in terms of ice cream flavors as opposed to shoes.

But K.T McFarland's point is spot on.

(Fox News) The GOP is like the lady who goes shoe shopping. She can only buy one pair, and it's got to be shoes she can wear all year long, and in every circumstance….and can afford.

She knows what she needs is a practical pair of black leather pumps. But once she's in the shoe store she can't help but look around.

Wow! Those sure are adorable white strappy sandals, and they're on sale! So she tries them on.

What about those sexy red 4 inch spike heels! So she tries them on.

And look at those drop dead patent leather boots - so she tries them on, too.

They all look terrific. But the sandals won't keep her warm in the winter and white is tough to keep clean. And those shiny books look great with a leather miniskirt, but will look a little silly on a hot August day, plus they are WAY over budget. Those spike heels are gorgeous, and every head will turn while she's standing around at a cocktail party, but no way she can walk all the way to the parking lot in them afterwards.

They're all great shoes and every pair looks great on her. (Sigh) But she can only buy one pair of shoes, and she's got to them wear everywhere, summer, spring, winter and fall.

So what does she end up buying? Those practical, black pumps. They make not make her heart pound, but they're the only shoes that make sense.

Mitt Romney? He's the black pumps.

Sounds about right.

Again, lacking the feminine hard wiring that makes shoe shopping a near nirvana experience, here's one for the guys.

Cookies and cream. Rum raisin. Birthday cake. Moose Tracks. Chocolate Mint.

All with their own attractive qualities and all worthy of, at least, one little wooden spoon's worth of taste test.

In the end, though, it usually comes back around to vanilla.

Mitt Romney?

He's the black pumps.

That also come in vanilla.

"...You Want Real? I Gotcha Real..."

Said it before.

Will say it again.

Not a big fan of reality shows.

In deference to those who do, in fact, enjoy the genre',though, I'll offer my three cents regarding my lack of like.

First, I grew up watching a television that was a veritable smorgasbord of entertainment from prize winning dramas to cutting edge comedies to Broadway caliber variety shows and, yes, there were a lot of clinkers in the cacophany but television was, for me, a place to go to get away from the cares of the day, from the everyday backbiting, backstabbing bullshit that life parcels out in an ever ebbing and flowing ratio to the blessings afforded.

Second, I'm as curious about people and their quirks as the next guy, but not to the point where my attention span could be stretched to accommodate thirty to sixty minute chunks of time spent in what is, essentially, sitting and staring in their windows to watch them experience the everyday backbiting, backstabbing bullshit that life parcels out in an every ebbing and flowing ratio to the blessings afforded.

Not to mention the manure that's manufactured to ramp up the ratings, often making the term "reality show" oxymoronic.

Third, and more primarily, different strokes for different folks.

My own "reality" reluctance notwithstanding, though, I've noticed in the past few months that those who do enjoy the genre' are, in large measure, missing out on some of the most entertaining and cutting edge reality shows there are to be showed.

They're being showed every day on MSNBC. And Fox. Even C-Span.

WEST DES MOINES, Iowa--Chris Christie came to Iowa on Friday, not as a 2012 presidential candidate, as many Republicans in the state had hoped, but as Mitt Romney's most high-profile surrogate in the final days before Tuesday's first-in-the-nation caucuses.

More than 100 people turned out before daylight in the parking lot of a Hy-Vee supermarket, standing for more than an hour in high winds and a steady drizzle to see Romney and Christie, the governor of New Jersey.

Dressed in a pinstripe navy blue suit, Christie was greeted like a celebrity by the bundled-up masses, some of whom rushed outside to see the governor after taking refuge inside their cars against the harsh winter morning.

Christie bluntly put forth what has become Romney's main talking point: That President Obama has failed to deliver on the hope and change he promised as a candidate four years ago.

"The president is going to try to convince you somehow that he deserves to be rehired," Christie said. "Well let's be real clear, real clear: President Barack Obama came out to Iowa three years ago, and he talked to you about hope and change. Well let me tell ya, after three years of Obama, we're hopeless and changeless, and we need Mitt Romney to bring us back, to bring America back."

Playing off his persona as a New Jersey tough guy, Christie issued a mock warning.

"New Jersey's watching you … We're watching you real closely," he said. "And I want to tell you something. I want to tell you something really clearly. I'm in a good mood this morning. I'm feeling happy and upbeat. I'm happy to be with Mitt and Ann. But let me tell ya, if you people disappoint me Tuesday, if you don't do what you're supposed to do on Tuesday for Mitt Romney. I will be back, Jersey-style."

Afterward, as Christie moved through the crowd toward Romney's bus, a man called out, "I wish it were you!" Christie smiled, but did not respond.

Christie, who was elected in 2009, long insisted he wouldn't seek the presidency but briefly entertained the idea in the fall after several Republicans—including a group of top party operatives in Iowa—urged him to reconsider. But in October he again ruled out a run and endorsed Romney.


Regardless of party persuasion, I think there's not, among us, a single person who could argue convincingly against my contention that for backbiting, backstabbing bullshit you simply can't find more or better than that found floating freely through that most dramatic and comedic of mediums, the American political process.

Admittedly, these middle aged and/or senior citizen fat cats don't have the "sexy/skanky/slutty/teasy/trashy" of your standard issue Snooki, Situation, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney or any one or all of a predatory pack of "Real" housewives.

But there's plenty of the aforementioned backbiting, backstabbing bullshit.

And, now, it seems, political television has gone reality television one better by taking the first, tentative, but titillating, steps toward hybridizing the current reality format with the more traditional fictional TV concept.

J Woww warns Snook to back off or else?

Yawn.

Kim and Kourtney spit and hiss over some petty diss?

Snore.

For drama on a scale we ain't seen since the days J.R. was making deals with the devil in Dallas, you can't beat the entire state of Iowa being extorted with threats of "Jersey style" retribution.

Reality show lovers, spread the word.

There's a delightfully delicious new boo hiss villain in town.

The governor of New Jersey.

Tony Soprano.