Ain't it the truth.
And no stranger a pairing have these moderately wizened eyes, with brows inevitably arched, witnessed, of late, than this one.
The writer, Dorothy Parker
My granddaughter, Ella Marie.
Edification to ensue momentarily.
But, first, an update on the latest adventures of the gang unable to shoot straight.
DES MOINES, Iowa — A gathering of religious conservatives in Iowa tonight turned into one of the most emotional moments of the 2012 primary season when two presidential candidates — Herman Cain and Rick Santorum — both fought back tears while telling personal stories about the most challenging moments in their lives.
Cain, whose wife, Gloria, was in the audience, spoke about being diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer in 2006, stopping several times during his re-telling of the story to compose himself.
“I can do this,” Cain said he told his wife moments after getting the cancer diagnosis from his doctor. “She said — ‘we.’”
Fellow candidate Rick Perry, who was seated next to Cain at the forum, which is sponsored by the Christian conservative organization The Family Leader, reached over and touched Cain on the shoulder, consoling him.
Santorum spoke about his three-year-old daughter Bella’s diagnosis with Trisomy 18, a disorder that kills roughly 90 percent of children before or during birth. He shared his struggle dealing with the illness, acknowledging that he thought if he did not love her, it wouldn’t hurt him if she died.
Bella is still alive, but Santorum spoke of a particularly trying time when he thought he was about to lose her: “I prayed that moment, please, please let her live,” Santorum said. “I’ll do everything to commit to her and not just her, but to every child like her.”
Michele Bachmann and Perry both reached out to comfort the former Pennsylvania senator.
Six candidates, including Cain, Perry, Ron Paul, Bachmann, Santorum and Newt Gingrich, used the venue to speak more expansively than ever before about their personal faith journey.
“In every person’s heart, in every person’s soul, there is a hole that can only be filled by the Lord Jesus Christ,” Perry told the audience.
Bachmann also told a touching story about her parents’ divorce, recalling her mother’s words: “It’s hard now, but, it’s going to be OK.” She spoke of her family’s financial woes after her parents’ split up, saying “my mom put all our pretty dishes” on “card tables” to sell them at a yard sale.
Gingrich also shed a tear while speaking about a disabled child he knows. The former House Speaker also opened up about a time in his life when he felt “truly hollow.”
But emotion also gave way to politics. The candidates took the opportunity to attack “Obamacare,” Washington elites, the liberal establishment and Occupy Wall Street protesters. And, all tried to fit in their own campaign talking points. Perry touted the 10th Amendment, Paul defended the importance of the Constitution and Bachmann promised to bring back $2 a gallon gasoline.
The candidates were seated around a large wooden table adorned with pumpkins at the event, billed as the Thanksgiving Family Forum. The two-hour long session, which did not include Mitt Romney who was campaigning in Iowa tonight, was moderated by Republican pollster Frank Luntz.
Before the candidates took the stage, prominent Iowa social conservative and political figure Bob Vander Plaats, who heads the Family Leader, predicted that “the next president of the United States will present to you tonight.”
The forum was held at the First Federated Church in Des Moines roughly a month and a half before Iowans will gather for the presidential caucuses on Jan. 3.
Wow.
Agape.
Defined as both a term for Christian love.
And wide eyed, mouth opened wonder.
Double word score.
Reality show producers who think they have a handle on what "the viewing public" wishes to be fed are clueless when they come up against the organizers of these dark comedies disguised as debates going on in the well lit, climate controlled, equipmentally state of the art but, unmistakably, Chautauqua tents the Republican Road Show is taking from town to town in their quest to determine what to feed "the American people".
Come ONE, come ALL!.....
To the greatest show on earth!
Something for the whole family!
Rock'em, sock'em...
Upsy, downsy...
Back and forthsy...
And now.....
Touchy, feely....
Were this, in fact, an actual stage production touring the country and were I a reviewer charged with the task of giving said production an objective and insightful review, I have to confess said review would be short, sweet and succinct.
And would read something like this.
"Are you fucking kidding me?
A group of candidates gathered together to, ostensibly, argue their positions on the critical societal issues of our time in hopes of being chosen to lead a nation through some of that nation's most challenging times and we're getting three minute long Lifetime movies about disease diagnosis, promises to terminally ill babies, having to sell "pretty dishes" at yard sales and, wait for it....
...Newt actually knows a disabled child.
Katy, bar the door.
Couple of random thoughts.
If the intention (and this is a totally futile effort on my part to, for the love of God help me, find some way to see this as a half full glass)was to humanize the people wearing the office seekers masks, then, and again, God help me here, I suppose it's fair to say mission accomplished.
But, it simultaneously cheapens and denigrates the political process that we deserve.
We'll be right back to Newt hates Herman hates Rick hates Mitt patronizes Michelle ignores Rick humors Ron, but first...
Group hug.
And now, back to the battle.
Were it simply funny, it would genuinely be funny.
But try to picture this.
1858.
Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas debate.
Mr. Lincoln, during a passionate and determined declaration of his point of view is speaking....
".... Let us discard all these things, and unite as one people throughout this land, until we shall once more stand up declaring that all men are created equal....all men...and (slight choke up)...I'm sorry, I was going to say women, as well and that brought me to mind of my sainted mother, Nancy, who passed away nigh on forty years ago...she was taken by the milk sickness that ran rampant through the Little Pigeon Creek settlement, a sickness that took not only Mama but her aunt Elizabeth and (more choked up) uncle Thomas, two sainted souls who raised my mama as if (serious choking up)...as if she were their very own...their very....(unable to continue..."
Mr. Douglas puts down his notes, removes his eyeglasses to wipe a tear from one eye and reaches over, putting a slightly trembling hand on Lincoln's shoulder.
They exchange knowing glances....as tears roll down wrinkled cheeks and the crowd, turns to each other, holding hands, reaching out, coming together in concern and compassion.
Group hug.
Somewhere, in that moment, in that crowd, is a reporter for one of Illinois' young and growing news weeklies.
And he is thinking what I am thinking now.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
This latest episode of the "Right Wing Roadshow" offers nothing if not overwhelming evidence that these people have decided to do their level best to be all things to all people.
The problem with that concept, as history has taught us, is that it can't be done.
To add intelligence insult to injury, we have another candidate type to add to the list.
The environment candidate.
The peace candidate.
The corporate candidate.
The working man's candidate.
The economy candidate.
And new but, certainly, not least...
The Oprah candidate.
Seriously, kids, Tina Turner may, or may not, have been right when she said "we don't need another hero", but I'd bet my Twix bar against your Twix bar that we absolutely don't need another reason to be cynical about the process of electing a president.
And turning the process into a Hallmark Channel mini series ratchets up the cynical factor by a ten fold or two.
Not to mention making strange bedfellows out of writer and granddaughter.
And two noted uses, respectively, of the English language.
Dorothy Parker..."it ran the gamut of emotions, from A...to B...".
Ella Marie..." OMG...".
Group hug.
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