Name one of the most confusing things ever invented.
Scroll down when you give up.
Iced tea.
I mean, wtf?
Years ago, the witty and watermelon whacking wack job Gallagher, observed, in one of his stand up routines, that iced tea, despite its obvious ability to refresh and/or hydrate, was a beverage not without its contradictions.
First, you make it hot.
Then, you make it cold.
Then, you put sugar in it to make it sweet.
Then, you put lemon in it to make it sour.
Admittedly, it's arguable that you don't necessarily want to accept, as gospel, any perspective that comes from a guy who makes his living smashing large pieces of fruit with a sledge hammer, but I think anyone putting aside their instinctive impulse to feel sorry for melons (could this be the origin of the word "melancholy"?)can see the logic behind the illogic of the whole ice tea presentation.
I was reminded of that particular pekoe paradox when I perused the play by play of last night's pugilistic presentation.
Alliteration, as always, an annoying affectation.
DENVER – Not even his best training camp in years could help Quinton “Rampage” Jackson lift the UFC light heavyweight title from Jon “Bones” Jones.
Jones neutralized Jackson’s offense, softened him with kicks and then finished him at 1:14 of the fourth round with a rear-naked choke in the main event of UFC 135 at the Pepsi Center. Jones opened a cut over Jackson’s right eye in the third round with an elbow, then quickly finished him with the choke in the fourth.
Jackson, a former champion, had spent more than two months training in Denver, working harder than he had in a long time, by his own admission. But he still had no answer for Jones’ length and varied attack.
Jones’ striking was even a factor.
“He insulted my striking and said I had no punching power,” Jones said. “I got together with Mike Winkeljohn to work on my striking to try to prove a point.”
Jackson, who staged a psychological battle against Jones leading up to the fight, came away impressed.
“I thought it was hype, but he’s the real thing,” said Jackson, who said he was better than he’s ever been.”
The Hall of Fame career of former UFC welterweight champion Matt Hughes may have come to an end when he was stopped at the end of the first round by Josh Koscheck.
Hughes said after the fight, “I’m not retiring, but I’m going to tell the UFC to put me up on the shelf and we’ll see what happens after that.”
Koscheck cracked Hughes with a right late in the round that wobbled the former champion, who is on the final fight on his contract. Koscheck chased Hughes around the ring, landing hard rights, as Hughes retreated trying to clear his head.
Hughes finally went down and Koscheck pounded him out. Referee Mario Yamasaki stopped it at 4:59, just as the horn sounded to end the first round.
“I’m growing as a fighter and as a person,” said Koscheck, in his first bout back after losing a title challenge against Georges St. Pierre last December.
The hard-hitting Mark Hunt isn’t known for his conditioning, but he was in far better shape than Ben Rothwell and it and his power led to a unanimous decision. Judges had it 30-27, 29-28 and 29-27 for Hunt. Yahoo! Sports had Hunt, 29-27.
Hunt picked Rothwell apart with punches and, by the midpoint of the third round, Rothwell could barely pick himself off the canvas.
Hunt showed a more versatile grappling game and was able to connect with enough shots to open a large cut near Rothwell’s right eye.
Hunt outlanded Rothwell 90-20, according to CompuStrike. Hunt connected on 58 of 85 shots on the ground.
Travis Browne handled Rob Broughton and won a unanimous three-round decision in a fight that was more of a letdown than a reputation builder. Browne was coming off an impressive victory over Stefan Struve, but though he won all three rounds, he didn’t exactly stamp himself as a top contender.
I’m actually disappointed I didn’t finish him off. He’s a really tough guy. For some reason I just couldn’t take him out,” Browne said.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I freely admit that I'm not, and have never been, a sports kind of guy.
I played football and Little League as a kid, can enjoy a good four quarters or nine innings with the best of em', don't own any Michael Buble' CD's and can offer references from past wives that I am committedly and definably heterosexual (hey, they weren't marrying me for my money, know what I mean, know what I mean?).
But on a Sunday afternoon, you're more likely to find me watching TCM's tribute to John Garfield as opposed to whatever the Saints or Tigers or Bears (oh, my) are up to.
And, dating all the way back to childhood, when my father would settle into the recliner, to the Gillette Company's delight, for yet another televised "Friday Night At The Fights", I have never connected with the community who enjoys the connecting of fist to face.
Even as a kid, the dusty, old joke kept popping up in reaction to the punching.
"Doctor, it hurts when I do that"
"So, don't do that."
All these years later, I'm crystal clear in my confusion.
I mean, wtf?
A "sport" whose sole purpose is to physically damage another person to the point where that person is unable to get up off the floor?
Either at the moment or, even worse, never ever again?
Granted, there was a time in the history of man that gathering around to watch two guys go ten rounds in fist city appealed to the masses and had some measure of entertainment value.
Of course, there was a time in the history of man when accepted medical procedure was to bleed people for pretty much whatever ailed them, too.
We pretty much evolved past that.
We're still bleeding people for entertainment, though.
And lest I be tagged with some undeserved label of bleeding heart-ism, let me offer you this.
If we're going to continue to condone, let alone celebrate, the brain damaging competition, then let's put it to a practical use.
The whole presidential candidate debate process is a total snore.
And I totally think Bachmann could take either Perry or Romney in three rounds.
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